VIDEO OF OUR TALES- COMING SOON!!
Tandem Tales Bristol to Edinburgh Tandem Cam
tandem tales par 01. Bristol to Birmingham

Tandem Tales – Bristol to Edinburgh has been a mash up of different projects come together. Geoff cycled over 130 miles on the loaded tandem, alone, getting lost wanting to meet and share stories with people before getting to Edinburgh.

Hal picked him up in the van after two days and the Tandem then was used as a vehicle around the towns they explored. They met and impressed people with their overloaded bike full of instrument to set up and play anywhere, they were also inspired by some of the encounters on this trip.

As musicians they managed to get gigs in every town, winging it on the way, not knowing what was happening day to day. They proved that even with no show or direction – determination matters.

Edinburgh was physically a struggle totting kit around , late night gigs, no money and little food, too much cycling and drinking in between and no one to ride with.

They managed to meet interesting people, the outsiders of the festivals. These tales from the tandem have fuelled new ideas, longer and bigger adventures in the future and have inspired for new material.

The tandem is a great vehicle to do performances and to create projects for too. Tandem Tales is interested in new ideas and sharing ideas with new people. Tandem tales will be back with more adventures more mileage projects soon….

Stay in touch… via facebook or whatever.

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An early start , they weave up hill, hung over and heavy to popular busking spots where all the other performers are already taking advantage of this bright busy day. The boys sit and eat cheap lunch at the Bedlam theatre. It pours down their throats but so does a quick down pour. Geoff gets wet and stays with the bike – their life on this tour. Hal keeps dry- he has electronics n shit. They wander down the Royal Mile, unpaid volunteers sell their show/souls, perform for you, flyer you, drag you in and ask you kind questions. Do you want a good time?

Where are the boys’ flyers? Posters? Megaphones they think…? They learn something from this before setting up off Princess street and jam. Passersby do stop, watch, take pictures but drop no money… is this a sign of the recession or their lack of talent?

However across the road, Geoff is forced to give a performer £1 for taking a picture.. that is a true professional! So it was the latter.

They soak up the last of tinsel town, Edinburgh, the flashing lights, bussle of tourists, performers, jugglers. Poets, singers, rappers and clowns, look around and still don’t quite know where they belong amongst all of this.

They play at Forest café. A great venue, but who probably weren’t ready for the music, whilst blissfully eating and drinking. Geoff is disheartened and questions is this really for him. Hal carries the show whilst Geoff grooves on percussion. Barry is cut short yet again and doesn’t even get to come on stage. One sold CD later they drink their discounted drinks, still paying more than they’ve made all day, meet two girls “from the Moon” and skid down the hill to the Cuckoos Nest.. It’s loud, rowdy and furious- and that’s how they play…

Edinburgh rains

Soaked in rain and sweat they cycle home, sleep on another sofa, for the ninth time, eat another portion of chips. Geoff blags more free beer- it’s the only thing they pay you around here even if you begged and collapsed to the floor.

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Geoff sleeps on his feet, after a heavy night of totting tandem around all day, playing one tasty but small venue and another bigger yet not so sexy gig. Electronic failure, near heart failure, Barry the Badger ranting in German, and Olivis (an Elvis impersonator) who wanted a fight. He was near 60 and smelt of piss – so after Geoff remonstrated with him he sulked away into the night.

Wednesday ( day 08) – Slow to get off the ground, they drink strong coffee and slouch around in a Scotch/Italian café, over-hearing tales from locals about coughs, cures and local news- or ‘the sniff’ as it’s known locally. Geoff can relate to this as he feels ‘the sniff’ rising from his bowels. They need uppers.

The weight of the tandem is starting to take its toll on Geoff. There is a lack of interest and enthusiasm to find and get more people on the back of the bike. Everybody here in tinsel town is doing their own thing, their own show, they have no time for spontaneity today. Geoff and Hal pedal/skulk from street to street looking for a busking spot.

We pass the click-click of cameras, as tourists surround circus performers, jugglers and tight- rope walkers. Funk and Soul bands, the duke’s duke of trombones and squeals of saxophones please this crowd- have they’ve been duped?

Busking Trough

Where do these boys fit in here? They find a quiet corner to busk, but really it’s a rehearsal for tonight’s show. Hal decides to paint Geoff, whilst he learns the guitar finally. People gather in small groups to soon realise that Geoff cannot play the guitar and Hal’s painting nothing of interest (for the first time). But the sun and burgeoning fun grows like Hal’s hair- crazy and wild. It is lucky that Geoff also cuts hair.

An old Scottish fellow takes interest though and tells stories of lost band members, drunkard brawls and serenades whilst Geoff plays guitar. It fits. It works.

He talks about how he gets money when he dances like a fool for the tourist, ‘ dance monkey dance’, it’s what they want to see he says, not his meaningful poems or songs.

Dance Monkey Dance

Badger in Phone Box

Barry hides in a phone box and jumps out on the unexpected crowd. Geoff now tows the Tandem to the C venues bar. They bring everything they got to the show, to realise no- one’s there to listen to music. It’s the wrong crowd. Ah!

Geoff fights through and leaves Hal to bring up the rear. The stage is a mess with litter, props and instruments all kicked over by a frustrated Barry whose set is cut short- before tasmanic song ‘Rolf Harris (whatever he’s on)’. Does anyone want to hear their songs and tales from the tandem?

Geoff Floored? It Wasn't Barry

Deflated they stroll into the heart of tinsel town, where philosophic Barry puts on an impromptu show, drunk passers-by look, laugh and don’t listen, click cameras and throw down nothing. One hour and three pounds later they meet Tom a rickshaw driver. Geoff captures him and swaps bikes- it’s another distraction from the over-riding question bothering them….

Lost in Tinsel Town

Who will appreciate this untrained/un-trainable act they wonder? Where could they go? Where are the French rappers when they need them? The Tandem attracts many curious souls and stories. The boys think about leaving town, to return with their dancing shoes, a booked show or at least some brass next time. However, Jamie from Forest Fringe cafe notices them and offers them a gig for the next day as he liked the underground set at the Roxy Art venue the previous night. He used the word ‘talented’- so they stayed, their mission wouldn’t end on a low like it was starting to appear…

They scoff another heavy and greasy meal, meet another lonesome busker, filling his belly with his day’s earnt shrapnel. For now the Royal Mile and its surrounding streets becomes their stage; no permit-licence, click-click of cameras, just road sweepers and lost drunks. It’s all about strong booze and songs that wail into the morning.

Still curious, lots of possibilities, lots of effort they freewheel down to bed. Tandem rests.
Tits await.

Geoff Ever Vigilant

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Edinburgh – here at last.

Two gigs Monday

- one with everything out of tune but people listened. One man said ” i didn’t hear any of your words apart from civilisation crumbles” and he shook his head. So it’s not just our visual appearance that people remember.
The other gig  at C Venue’s cabaret stage went well as Geoff got well angry and played a storming set even getting the audience to clap- without asking. A drummer still – he pushes the beat. We got into surreal land with the badger and camel throwing down Sex in Nebraska and we forgot about the pissing rain outside. People improvised here taking lyrics from the crowd- good to see some brave hit and miss. Polished sucks.

Tinsel Town Arrives in Our Physical Minds

Geoff Smartens Up His Act

Two gigs Tuesday @ two zoo bars! (Roxy Art bar).

the first inside a sort of weird underground shack was the start of our electronic nightmare – but a rendition of high and some discussion about lefthandedness, dyslexia, dyspraxia and autism with another confused audience. A handful there when we started and a packet by the end. A fan wanted a Barry t-shirt- we need a manager. So instead we sold a couple of cds.

Barry Roacks the Roxy

They got followed to the next venue by a french film-maker Julien and rapper Jean-Marc . They did a good roady job and we filmed a song in the toilet- as you do. We got on finally after Olvis left the stage another elvis inpersonator form the old guard of disappointed fucks- washed up weirdos you find in Bristol.  The irony of the phrase fuck elvis on my guitar striking a chord – egos everywhere in Edinburgh. We’re not trying to make it – we’re just doing our thing- having fun with life.

Anyhow The electronics blew up Barry burst into Kidney and Sex in Nebraska- the sound engineer cracking up – in a good way. The harder Barry tried to perform the worse it got the stage got trashed and started ranting terrible tales in German – the sett was ended and Olvis was waiting in the wings as he was hoping to get more time to do his shitty pissed old man with a detuned guitar and a straw hat. Shame. Time for an encore outside with Julien and Jean Marc and then some scottish dude called Allan.

Geoff's future in Drag?

Next up C venues – time for some busking and painting portraits of Rolf Harris in the day then or Geoff.

Playing in the Park Before the Ranger Told Us We Couldn't

Geoff picked up a few scruffers on the bike late at night- but that’s another story- we’re in the zone.

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Barry the Badger outside Durham cathedral

Geoff and Barry clamber into Durham cathedral – and get hit by some architectural holiness.

An Anglo Saxon (or is it a Norman?) knight mounts the tandem and Barry the badger does too. A small dose of the surreal land that awaits in Tinsel town. Hip hip hooray.

Barry and Geoff meet a Norman knight-

We find a young busker called Jay Preston playing his first song of his first ever busking gig – he knows how to pick a spot. He tells them to keep their hearts. And perhaps their kidneys too Hal thinks.

Geoff chats to Jay Preston on his first song of his first busk ever

Back in the van and off to hit the Tyne. Newcastle is bathed in sunshine – ahhh welcome Sunday break. Fat chance. Geoff and Hal railroad their way into the Biscuit factory – who’s ukuele band never showed so they take their place- drilling their irreverant songs in a stunningly lit space filled with original local art. From smart cafe to ageing bar, the Cumberland arms.

Barry et Camel play in the Biscuit factory

This is rail-roading of a different kind. Hal and Geoff blister through some tracks in the middle of a floundering local jam session. The MCs have never seen guitar played like this – nobody knows what the chords are.

Geoff muses in the Cumberland arms

Hal and Geoff take refuge in the amazingly industrious co-operative the Star and Shadow cinema- They need a laff. They get one. Geoff is set off into a laughing fit by a bowl of home made chilli. There are not enough good words for the people in here (Jack, Jo, Simon, Maike et al) . We also meet the resident organist- Carl Heslop who tells us live scores are on their way back.

Star and Shadow - legends of the northeast

Jack and Marianne head off to the train station on the tandem for a lovers’ goodbye. A sight that tells it’s own tale.

Bolstered and fortified with chilli. Geoff and Hal continue due North for Lindesfarne and Tinsel town.

Hal and Geoff pose in Lindesfarne a stone's throw from Tinsel town

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..and get Upstaged by Metal band from Wrexham

Geoff and Hal raced off to Manchester form Stoke in the pouring rain. A windscreen wiper rips off. Geoff bravely steps out onto the hard shoulder and fixes it – back on the road and need to get there before 8pm for soundcheck.

PArking hell but we get lucky as parking man lets us southerners off. We set up Hal whizzing through Titman, Soothsayer, Kidney, Prison Problem and Caterpillar exiting stage left to summon his furry powers. Meanwhile Geoff takes centre stage pulsing through songs from his new ep : “I used to be a drummer”, “Where are all the bees gone honey”, “metorites”, “if bears cld fly” . Barry enters playing some drums (very loosely)losing the tempo- Geoff nearly looses his temper- but they pull it off and Barry flops into the Owl and the Pussycat (part 2) and Rolf Harris (whatever he’s on).

band list, Day and Night,

Barry at Day and Night, Manchester

Metal band Whiskey Lace from Wrexham then tear up the stage with their old skool metal with tight jeans boots and mullets- resulting in them encoring across the top of the bar- mental! Hal watches with jaw dropped – finally some showmanship . It’s all about the visual memory. Not one lyric remembered.

metal band Whiskey Lace clearly borrowing some of Barry's moves

Geoff and Hal slave into the night – well Geoff does- on video editing. Hal takes Geoff’s favourite side of the bed – oh dear ocd time.

ocd in the night

Geoff and Hal head into Manchester central for some more tandem tales.They stop near a park – film- then realise they can’t remember where their van is and their ticket runs out in 5mins ! Help! Sweat rains down and panic a creeping – they got to get to Skipton for a festival. They see most of Manchester this way. They track it down and skip for joy as there is no reprimand – the parking cops clearly love our europodopo van – or perhaps it stinks -more than likely.

Manchester central in such of a busk

On we go fumbling with sat navs and iphones and gear sticks and lights and wipers and brains . Got to get out of a city centre again and head for the north once more.

Moors festival - Skipton

They rush to moors festival-Heslaker farm , skipton- http://www.moormusicfestival.co.uk/
sorted out for them by Leeds legend Tim Green from 145 Collective and Orde from
Ladybird project.

Ladybird tent, Moors festival, Skipton

They pull a gig at 10 – audience really works in some lyrics for barry- of course it’s a festival – and what – not raining in Yorkshire? Yes later it poured on the Moo ers but Geoff and Hal continued to seek audience. A gig in shisha/hooka bar beckons – just to get a free coffee mind. This is the only payback. The vocal sounding unintentionally distorted but just how Hal likes it.

Tom , Ladybird tent , Moors festival , Skipton

Slept in van for first time – boxes stacked high Geoff still twittering wearing his bike helmet as the load hovers precariously above.
Next day sunshine. They monkey around with various performers looking for tips enroute to tinsel town.

Now on to the Northeast – Durham cathedral , knights on bikes,  newcastle – biscuit factory, star and shadow cinema (a legendary diy art co-operative) and the Cumberland Arms.

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Leaving bristol in high winds and rain, over loaded with instruments and gear. Geoff sets off getting lost in deepest St Phillips and Old Market…

30 mins into the journey he gets a heavy blow out and punctures his tire. He is taken in by a local charity warehouse where Andre helps to fix his bike.

Lads helping Fix Geoff's tandem

Back on and delayed he can’t find any Bristolian to ride with him out of the city… He heads for deepest darkest Avonmouth – ” watch your back” one cyclist remarks. Suddenly the cycle paths disappear to a dead end. A man on a tandem is stared at by confused locals – “you’ve lost your mate” people cry. Geoff can’t seem to find any talent or pedal power here.

Geoff finds himself on the main roads swimming for his life, huge lorries drone and drown him in water. Industrial building smoke looms ahead and he weaves north towards the Severn Bridge.

Geoff Whirls Off Past the Severn

Behind this noise he finds quiet off-path lakes and trees that guide him through up towards Thornbury. An hour or so later, he is greeted by two cycle signs route 45, but doesn’t no which one to take. It seems hours before he stops going around in circles-aargghhh! There is no one in these back waters to meet and ride with, small houses are tucked away as the M5 violently drones in the background. Must get away from here…

Police Tackle Youths - and so they should, round here!

Geoff finds himself in Berkley and reads a sign: “Police Tackle Youths”. Geoff gets a snickers and leaves promptly.

He is later guided with another cyclist along the beautiful canals lined with barges into Slim Bridge. Still no riders. Rain finally stops. BANG ! Another blow for Geoff and his wheel. This time back tyre done a hammy. He carries the bike half mile until he sees life again. A pub. A pint later and kind Barry from Yorkshire in Gloucestershire offers to help him fix his bike. Kearon his son has a go on the tandem -although he doesn’t help him get very far- mew.

Barry from Yorkshire_ kind lad_ fixes Geoff's second puncture

Geoff is less than honest with Jess's Honesty Box- um sorry...

Off into the evening sun, hours behind schedule (what f……schedule!) with a gig in a few hours, Geoff pummels the 13 miles to Gloucester. The pint of 6.5 cider has drained Geoff and he begins to wobble through mock tudor cricketing villages. He collapses into Jess’s Organic milk, 5miles from Gloucester and it saves Geoff. Then he dis- honestly gives half of what he should into an Honesty Box for the milk.

Geoff finds rest in Gloucester with couchsurfers

Ed, a keen old cyclist, picks him up and they ride together into sunny Gloucester. Where Mark from Couch surfing puts him up.. more pints, pasta, bed.

Second day, is bright and early as Geoff sets off busking in town for breakfast – a miserly £1. He gets him “the biggest sausage in Gloucester” (pie-shop lady).

Scoffs it and leaves after police threaten him with cycling in a pedestrian area. No-one wants a lift anywhere, not even to work! He gets out going around and around and around again looking for the right road. Everybody with a different answer. He finally heads to Tewkesbury.

Geoff hits the Scenic Route to Tewkesbury

Getting into rhythm, he works well on an empty road, Malvern hills on one side he finds himself in sunny Tewkesbury. The Tandem is well admired but no one takes him on, more locals with conflicting information and directions he heads North to Worcester, open roads. No cycle paths here as he fights up hills laughing on the way down.

Geoff Gets His Kit out in Tewkesbury for a Jam

John is out busking and jams with him. John does this as he doesn’t have a job. Geoff get photo with Elgar statue and food at Phat Nancy’s. No cycle routes he takes the main roads. Full of beeping lorries, screaming motor bikes, Geoff grins on…. another 15 miles later he hits the strange town of Bromsgrove.

Bromsgrove_Hell on Earth for a cyclist!

Hours are lost in this place. Geoff is angry, screaming and swearing at this dead end town. He snails up huge hills, still no riders, no great scenery or conversation, he’s mad.

Suddenly on the hill he sees “Welcome to Birmingham” he celebrates then realises its another 10 miles to centre, he gets there before dark, to the Yardbird for a concert, too tired to play he grabs his free pint. Tells tales about the tour and leaves – exhausted he almost falls over.

The Yardbird in Birmingham

Taken in by Jivago and the other 7 Couchsurfers there that night he is looked after, fed and bed.

Couchsurfer Central in Birmingham with Jivago

Day three rains agains, on the bike with Annabella, who rides him into town. Shattered he mets buskers, poets, and religious preachers. Hal and Barry turn up bright eyed in the van picking Geoff up squashed between the childrens’ hospital and the police station. Stoke on Trent here they go!

Busking's a Strange Sport

Barry the Badger arrives on cue to rescue Geoff from Birmingham

A quick tour of the city centres of Stoke on Trent they met up with Michael from rednile and Anna Francis, David, Bernard and others. An urgent gig at the Air Space gallery follows and they shoot to Manchester for a gig at the ‘Day and Night’.

Tandem tales hits Airspace in Stoke on Trent

“Whisky Lace” steal the show (a welsh heavy metal band). Quick tour of the area- Manchester greets them well- architecture beams broadly. The badger’s back and out and raring to go. Geoff is recharged.

continue North on your mission!

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Badger Tails Tandem-Man Geoff  in talent crusade

Geoff Red and Badgertrap led by the infamous Barry the Badger are heading to the tinsel town of talent – Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

WHAT IS TALENT?

We will be searching for the talent in Britain’s urban backwaters. People who spend their lives busking and performing on the streets and lo-fi venues, perfecting their talents trying to make it.

We will meet the real talent, the people who spend hundreds of their own money opening shows in Edinburgh and losing hundreds too, making Edinburgh the diverse crazy place it is.

We will be recruiting these people and continue heading north finding out it why people just want to dress up, sing and perform and head for Edinburgh….   This is the real alternative to Britain’s got talent.

Will the honchos in Edinburgh give Geoff Red and Badgertrap a listen?

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